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Mar. 5th, 2007 09:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trace_of_scarletI suck so much right now. The Real World is so fucking close - less than ten weeks of school left, ever - and I just want to curl up and pretend none of this is happening, sometimes. I can distract myself so well for ages, but even something like a stupid number of emails in my Inbox (96 today. I need to do something about that fucking Holmesslash group.) makes all the overwhelmingness come flooding up.
I have three pieces of coursework coming up, two English and one French, and the French one scares me so fucking much. It's so hard, and so I try to pick it up and do stuff about it, but then because it's so hard I always wind up giving up and then not touching it for ages. I just sit here on the fucking computer and read LiveJournals instead. *flails*
I suck so hard at Milliways, too. I keep starting threads and then dropping them, which means leaving other people in the lurch and I feel really bad about that, but I can't stop doing it. Because I want to play, damnit, but after about an hour my brain sort of dies and I lose the concentration to carry on. And stupid things about wank just make me angry and vaguely upset because I was kinda sorta involved and it's like- who's saying this stuff, damnit? And because I found out about it second hand it's like in 'real' life. Where I feel out of the loop because no-one ever seems to tell me anything, so my friends have conversations and I'm just on the edges flailing and going 'you did this? when? Who's that?' and wondering where the hell I went wrong.
Help me. I can't do this. I'm such a lazy fucking cow but I can't do this.
I have three pieces of coursework coming up, two English and one French, and the French one scares me so fucking much. It's so hard, and so I try to pick it up and do stuff about it, but then because it's so hard I always wind up giving up and then not touching it for ages. I just sit here on the fucking computer and read LiveJournals instead. *flails*
I suck so hard at Milliways, too. I keep starting threads and then dropping them, which means leaving other people in the lurch and I feel really bad about that, but I can't stop doing it. Because I want to play, damnit, but after about an hour my brain sort of dies and I lose the concentration to carry on. And stupid things about wank just make me angry and vaguely upset because I was kinda sorta involved and it's like- who's saying this stuff, damnit? And because I found out about it second hand it's like in 'real' life. Where I feel out of the loop because no-one ever seems to tell me anything, so my friends have conversations and I'm just on the edges flailing and going 'you did this? when? Who's that?' and wondering where the hell I went wrong.
Help me. I can't do this. I'm such a lazy fucking cow but I can't do this.
